


Stars

by CharmmyColour



Category: Solar Opposites
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety, Autism, Denial of Feelings, Homesickness, Hopeful Ending, Inferiority Complex, Jealousy, M/M, Secret Crush, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Stars, indoctrination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25106302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharmmyColour/pseuds/CharmmyColour
Summary: Korvo had seen stars before, but never like this.
Relationships: Korvotron "Korvo"/Terry (Solar Opposites)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 70





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to Leoh for beta reading!

There were no stars in Shlorp.

Of course that was only a figure of speech. No planet “has” stars. What Korvo was actually thinking about while pondering about the lack of the white shiny dots in his home planet, was that no such thing was visible from there. But on Earth, every night the sky exploded in an impossible array of infinite lights, weak glimmers dusting over them like the most beautiful robe the galaxy could wear.

It’s not like Korvo had never seen stars. He had traveled across space before.

But it felt completely different, being in the void of darkness floating to the next destination. Stars, back then, were just locations quickly passing by them, a flash in the eyes that never stayed still. Now the stars were motionless in place, ready to be admired from the quiet surface of the water planet, silent and glowing and absolutely inmortal.

Korvo had seen stars before, but never like this.

Of course, his first instinct had been panicking, thinking they were being attacked with some kind of air fire, as more and more white lights seemed to appear in front of his eyes. It had been Terry (who was, as much as Korvo would never admit out loud, a lot more perceptive than him) that pointed out the dots were not getting any closer and, besides, their neighbors looked unfazed by the sight of the sky. Korvo had felt anxious, his skin threatening to start gooblering at any point, until his green partner had started babbling about something and he had lost track of his own worries.

He was grateful for Terry’s babbling, because that was usually enough for him to calm down. Korvo was not sure if Terry knew that. Part of him hoped he didn’t, as he felt really vulnerable admitting how much he relied on him. There was another part that wanted Terry to know, so he would feel appreciated. He did care about Terry after all.

There was also a part of him, a part Korvo worked very hard to keep pushed in the deepest part of his mind, that wanted Terry to keep babbling to him forever.

Such thought was everything but productive. They would get seperated eventually, the same that the replicants, and Korvo had made peace with it. At least is what he told himself, because really, what other options did they have? Korvo would rather not think about it, because then doubt started blossoming inside him, and he couldn’t allow such discrepful ideas flourish and jeopardize the mission. They were there for a reason, and that reason was terraforming Earth. No more, no less.

But Korvo had to admit that sitting in the wet grass behind their house, gazing at the stars next to his silly evacuation partner, felt oddly comforting.

“Look, look, another one!” Terry pointed at the sky, absolutely beaming at him from the grass he was resting on. “Man, it looks like they don’t stop appearing. If I squint my eyes, I think I can see like figures!”

“That’s ridiculous,” Korvo scoffed. “Stars are just our distant perception of planets. There’s not some-- some great order making it look like doodles for our amusement.”

“Well, I think that bunch looks like a pan,” Terry argued. “And if I look at that one like really intensely, it reminds me of a horse!”

“Everything reminds you of a horse now you have seen one on TV.” Korvo rolled his eyes.

But Terry started giggling, two small hands trying to contain his bubbling excitement, and Korvo found himself not being able to muster another snarky remark. That had been happening more and more, the sharp comments he was used to doing around his peers (a lot of which considered him witty and funny, not like his family) seemingly got stuck on his throat every time he saw Terry smile. Of course, Korvo was not an idiot, he knew very well that he was developing feelings.

And he knew very well how much of a bad idea that was.

First and foremost, because Terry was his evacuation partner, and it was completely inappropriate to even consider the notion of having more than a professional partnership with him. Shlorp would heavily chastise him for such thoughts, and that was more than enough for Korvo to back up. All he had known all his life was pleasing the system, and this… this was new and strange.

There was also the part that was all written in caps on his mind, screaming at him restlessly ‘TERRY.NEVER.WILL.BE.INTERESTED.IN.YOU”. And hell, that was right. Terry was such a free spirit, almost a pure soul that somehow had survived in Shlorp despite his differences. And Korvo was too ashamed to admit that these differences made him irresistible.

Terry was so incredibly unique, not remotely similar to any Shlorpian Korvo had met before. His silly antics, his contagious excitement and his wide smile haunted Korvo in his dreams. Terry was the reason Korvo was giving Earth an opportunity, and he hated it. He hated it because Earth was starting to feel right.

That was another thing he was not going to admit, of course. By the knowledge of all around him, Korvo hated Earth, and he was hoping to make it stay that way. Concede otherwise would not only be an open invitation to tease him about his other beliefs, but the admission that maybe there was something better than Shlorp out there. Or at least equal. And Korvo couldn’t acknowledge that, he couldn't.

It would mean he was weak. A disgrace. A failure.

So it was easier to pin everything on Terry, who just happily accepted the blame. Terry didn’t care about anything; Korvo guessed he had an easy, fulfilling life back in Shlorp and never needed to worry about what others thought of him. Not like Korvo. He had always been under the magnifying glass, always studied and criticized and corrected. Korvo had managed to become a good student and a good citizen, he even could say he had achieved getting pretty popular. But it hadn’t been an easy path.

His excitement, his quirks, his awkwardness, all of it had to go. Korvo had learned to deny himself all he wanted, all he expected, all he had the impulse to do. If he fell to his impulsive needs, he would be just like Terry!

That somehow didn’t sound so bad.

That made it even scarier.

Now far from their home planet, at least Korvo let the replicants follow his evacuation partner example and be more… “free” couldn’t be the word. Korvo was free! He had all the freedom he wanted! Except, of course, that he had to follow instructions and complete a mission that was becoming less and less appealing every day. And could only allow himself a single treat a day, as it was the way he had taught himself to behave. And had to keep all his emotions locked under key, tortured by the existence of all his flaws. And, failing to do any of that, he would have been heavily punished and ostracized, which Korvo wasn’t sure he could live with. But besides that, he was completely, absolutely, by all means, free!

Repeating it enough made it sound true.

But Korvo still didn’t want the replicants to grow up like this, the constant fear of failing haunting them day and night. It was good, he thought, that Terry was so different. Sure, it was annoying that now he was alone against three messy, loud, careless cyclones; but sometimes he wondered if being with three versions of himself would be better. More productive, that’s for sure. But he had that in Shlorp, he was admired and praised, and pointed as the example to follow and yet… sometimes it just didn’t quite feel like his smile was genuine. When the party was over and he returned to his quartets, alone, the only thing Korvo could feel inside him was the void of his own feelings. It felt empty, and it felt terrible.

And then, suddenly, stars.

Korvo had always been an overthinker. His mind ran wild with hypothesis, and scenarios, and all the ways he could screw up. But it was hard, very hard to focus on anything that wasn’t the stars right now. They were beautiful, yes, and the grass was wet and pleasant, and the air was warm and inviting. Everything around them at the moment was already very welcoming, and Korvo was having a hard time not letting his guard down already.

But Terry’s voice talking about the glowing galaxy, commenting on their forms, their light, their color and even their shape; that was in itself too tantalizing. Terry was in love with the stars, as he was in love with Earth. As he was in love with freedom, and food, and music and stupid shirts. Terry was in love with the simple concept of living, and that made Korvo so incredibly jealous and, at the same time, so incredibly attracted. Korvo wished to love life, he really did. But how could he, when he was such a bad person, such a bad example, such a bad, pathetic, weak, insufferable, ugly creature?

“Do you think the others look at us from the stars, Korvo?” He hears Terry say, and frowns.

“Of course not. They are-- they are dead. Unless you’re talking about the other teams, I suppose...”

“No, I was talking about the dead ones. I like to think they are now stardust and will travel space forever, and will always be happy and together and stuff.”

“That’s not how it works, Terry.”

“I know. But when we… when we die, I hope we are still together, you know?” Terry sights.

And at that moment, Korvo has his guard so down he almost can’t process the words. Why? Why did Terry like him? Didn’t he get the memo? Korvo was boring, obsessive, always stuttering, full of quirks, full of flaws, full of mistakes. What could possibly Terry see in him? For crying it out loud, Korvo was not even attractive!

He was nothing.

“That-- that’s so stupid, Terry. We die-- we die and that’s it! Why would you even be around after-- after that? So you can annoy me in the afterlife t-too?” Korvo stutters, and he finds his own lies reassuring. Yes, he doesn’t have to admit to anyone what he truly thinks. Not even to himself.

“Come on, man! We will be star buddies!” Terry flops over his stomach to face him, his eyes sparkling. “Terry and Korvo, traveling space forever! It would be so cool! And then the replicants will join too and we will be the stars family, and people on Earth will look at the sky and say ‘what are those beautiful stars?’ and it will be us, and we will be in books talking about how cool our stars are!” That was cute enough. Korvo didn’t need what came next. “Korvo, would you be my star buddy?” Terry pleads.

“Li-- like I could stop-- stop you on that, anyway.” Korvo grit his teeth, making sure Terry can see his annoyance, but his friend is only smiling at him.

Korvo hated a lot of things.

But he loved Terry.


End file.
